Remember how it feels as a kid waiting for your delayed carpool 5 minutes before your favorite cartoon show airs. Or waiting for your turn to deliver an impromptu speech that’ll either mark your abilities or prove your detractors right in an inter-level speech competition.
Here are two different situations that elicit very similar emotions. On both points you’ve been drowned for several minutes in impatience, excitement, desperation, optimism and pessimism in one, nervousness, and hopefulness. It was a freaking mixture of worries and dreams, of anticipations and fears of what had yet to come, of wishful thinking and sighs of defeat.
Remember the feeling, the unexplainable 5 or so minutes. More so, imagine feeling the conundrum, misorder and disorder of emotions now, at this point in time and for the rest of your life. Not for only 5 minutes, not even for an hour alone.
It’s possible. And when it happens, you can be lost in thought, unable to focus and almost miserable, but it’ll amaze you that you can survive days and days when you thought 5 minutes was already a torture.
Sometimes it happens for a season. But sometimes for months, even years.
I feel that mystery connivance of extreme emotions almost all the time. I feel it when I eat, when I put on my sleepwear, when I wait for the cab, when I cook dinner, when I wash my clothes, when I sing, when I read the paper, when I speak, and even as I write this entry.
We call it the “sickness”. But on second thought, illness can be cured by medicine, by herbs, by therapies. But this so-called sickness inflicts itself and cures itself in so many different ways and unpredictable conditions.
We can get used to it but still I wonder, was this terrible mix of emotions made to be felt 24/7? Didn’t it have 30-40 minutes maximum span? Because if it did, I think I’d qualify for a Guinness.
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