Britney, is it true that loneliness kills you?

Britney, baby, you definitely made a mark, however and whichever way i deny it. Now read on just so you know how your lyrics come in handy.

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I admit I'm one those people who look at love and happiness as the very reasons for existence. Totally embarrassing to admit but really I was one with the gang before Maya came into my life. And I hate my self for that. They say it's normal to be in a relationship for comfort, but i don't want to accept that as fact. I guess I've gone a long way now, but then there comes a season when I'd feel the longing again.

If this would cause you to vomit, my apologies. But i really have to say that loneliness strikes, so fucking insanely strikes especially during this time of the year when you realize you spent the holidays without anything nice and sweet to remember. Add to that the fact that the cursed day of sweety sweeties is only a few weeks ahead.

I'm not hating romance, alright. I'm hating the fact that its absence every now and then causes temporary insanity. Temporary insanity affects how I think, how I act, how I eat, and even how I polish my nails! Shetshetshetshetshet. Was it the latest book i read or the movie Step Up that sparked all this insanity up? Yeah, i guess it's the movie. I really miss dancing -- the fun of it, the freedom to move, the challenge (physically, mentally, spiritually) and with that I also miss having someone who'd really share the same interests and who'd support me for what I love doing.

It's been three years since I last danced. Funny enough, it's also been three years since I put myself into trouble with Erick. Yeah, talk about stupidity and nonsense sacrifices. But at least I have Maya. Bitterness aside, I feel that I've been too much out of focus. Or I just might be focusing on the wrong thing. I love art and the complications and empty pocket that goes with it. Maybe the lack of contentment career-wise aggravates the effect of lack of some sort of a special someone. Eeeeeewwwww. Isisi ba naman.

Wait, di ko na kaya kakornihan ko. What I really intend to point out is that loneliness really haunts. But it's still up to us if we'd allow ourselves to fall into the trap. It's our decision whether or not we'll put ourselves into situations just because we feel lonely. It's really tempting to just respond to whatever and whoever shows interest and promises a happy and peaceful love life. But the fact is, romance is not the most significant part of our lives.

I know I've gone a long way. I'm not anymore the Av who didn't give enough space and time "alone" to her self. Sometimes I amaze even myself with the fact that I can now resist an urge without blinking an eye. This morning I felt really really lonely and even run episodes from my memory of how wonderful it was to have someone to share experiences with. But now, a couple of hours after that I'm back to a more sensible me.

Whenever the "sickness" strikes, I always run to God and ask Him to please touch my heart and let me find content and happiness in Him.

I have Maya. I have the Lord. I don't think I'm incomplete without a "someone".

But it certainly wouldn't make a crowd, right? Hehe.