Christmas Blues

Christmas is coming!
The exclamation is not of excitement. It's an "oh, no". I've never been a fan of Christmas especially because my childhood christmases are unforgettably must-forgets. Now that I'm an adult, Christmas screams of shocking expenses and the endless outward flow of the year's savings. Last year, I was left pissed and super poor after almost infinite visits of relatives, distant relatives, distant distant relatives, relatives of distant distant relatives and (brace your selves) ... distant distant relatives of the neighbors of distant distant relatives. I can't believe those people who dared knock on my door even if they didn't even know my name. And damn! Why do all of them expect me to give them money? And if I don't give I receive a frown. Come on, I am just a 24-year old struggling employee! I also eat. I also pay bills. I also have a kid to feed and educate! Why can't they realize that!?
Forgive me for being bitter. I know I sound evil. But it's the truth. The real essence of Christmas is often ruined by the pressure to spend especially when the economy is so down, the actual merry-christmas-can-you-give-me-the-money-now looks of kids and feeling-kids, and the torturing pressure to keep smiling in the middle of all these. Even the kids nowadays do not understand what Christmas is all about anymore. I don't hate the Christmas; i hate how people are during Christmas. I am not comfortable with the fact that money drives a celebration that is supposed to be in the memory of Christ.
The last two Christmases, now that I already have Maya, were even more difficult to handle. I was caught between avoiding the matters that make the holiday a season for me to force a smile and creating a pleasant early childhood Christmas memory for my daughter. I honestly think I haven't instilled on her the real value of Christmas. It's hard because I know a huge part of her perspective comes from her observations of others, of her cousins, of her lola, of her aunt and uncle, of neighboors, of friends -- which all scream of a day of money-making and trade of ribboned boxes.
For this year, I realized I have to face another pressure-filled Christmas. It's like facing some kind of trauma. But I have no choice. I have to give it another shot for my little daughter; for her to feel the true meaning of Christmas which is being thankful for being given the gift of salvation advented by the birth of Jesus, and life's purpose to bring happiness to others -- a happiness that does not concern money alone. I still don't know how I'd be able to do that. But I will. I don't want my daughter to be blinded by false Christmas ideas.